As the Autobots assemble once again will this be their last hurrah?
Once upon a time, there was a story of valor, magic and battle that would resonate through the ages. That story is not Transformers, however, having seen the trailer for the recent King Arthur film Michael Bay has wasted no time ripping it off. The scene is set with what looks to be a promising and gritty battle in the dark ages, King Arthur is in peril and there is only one man that can save him. That man is a drunk Stanley Tucci, who, after offering something resembling a convincing performance last time is almost literally Michael Bay’s magical white knight.
From it’s auspicious start the film flails around, snatching and grabbing at any actors or plot threads that may have worked well for other people in the past. Like a chef struggling with dementia, Bay salts his broth; adding the prim but sexy English heroine (Laura Haddock), followed by a touch of exquisite and expensive aged brandy in the form of Anthony Hopkins, A peppery Jim Carter plays the sassy but deadly English ninja butler, next comes liberal amounts of the aged cheddar that makes up the main ingredient in Mark Walhberg, The broth is then mixed with the lemon zest that is restraining orders and lost family, finally all is served in the well used shoe that is unlocking an age old mystery. The hungry masses are finally given a chocolate straw of save the world and a minty kiss of happily ever after. While this was a long sentence and a tenuously held together metaphor, it does accurately represent the film.
While the film may be an embarrassment to actors everywhere there are individual moments that hit hard. Anthony Hopkins has done terrible things in films before and once so skillfully he got an Oscar for it, but this time it is all you can do to block your ears and avert your gaze. Watching the venerable Anthony Hopkins, flip the bird and use the term ‘dude’, while being referenced as the ‘coolest Duke’, really does make you wonder what a sick twisted world we now live in. One can only imagine the money, blackmail or torture involved that would convince such a talented actor to have his prestigious career reputation so flagrantly abused. There is however an even more saddening fact, one that is highlighted in flashing neon lights and pixel perfect CGI. While the world’s art funding goes more and more to debt and war, it is a travesty that such a colossal amount of money was wasted. At an estimated 217 Million dollars, the budget for this mash up of words and moving lights could have funded thousands of exceptional performances in music, film, games, painting, sculpture. In the balance of what was paid and what was made, all the money in the world and some of the best actors could not raise The Last Knight from the dirt.
Author: Joe, Bath store
